You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Spirit' category.
There he was on the sidewalk,
Halloween pumpkin-toothed unshaven,
Swaddled in mismatched clothing,
But his shoes were new.
The language he uttered from a mouth missing teeth was foreign.
In my truck I tried to ignore him as he stood at the hood.
Demanding, repeating, over and over.
Maybe he will go away
He didn’t
Just short of pounding on the hood, he did not move.
“No” my voice echoed,
My head shook the word “no.”
I emerged from the womb of the car
The vagrant, the ghost of Mr. Booker from 10 years ago had come again only briefly.
Jesus said to give to one who asks you and from one who would borrow turn not away.
Lend, expecting nothing in return,
But I did not.
I turned away, again from God
I read something today that has to to with being grateful and saying thank you.
We can say ‘Thank you’ to many things that we have in the following way:
In a small box, place slips of paper on which you have written what you are grateful for. Your entries could be for events, things, people; anything that makes you shine from inside. You may choose to add one a day.
On the days when you don’t feel as grateful, you might want to randomly go into that box and pull out a slip.
It would be a reminder that, no matter what you are experiencing, there IS something to be grateful for!
I just picked up my current book, “Finding Your Way Home” by Melody Beattie. The more I read this; and so far I’ve only read the same two or three chapters – the more I believe that this is one of the MOST important healing and spiritual growth books that’s crossed my path. Believe me, I’ve read a lot!
Security. What do we think of when that word comes to mind? Right now for me that means having enough money to maintain my house and pay my bills.
Although at present I am not currently employed in a paying job, I am secure. I AM SAFE. I am not going to lose my house next week. I have enough to buy food and pay my bills. Even though I know the clock is winding down on the money I have, I KNOW that I AM provided for. God will never leave me stranded. Everything IS OK.
Security. I realize that this w-h-o-l-e Lowe’s issue, the relentless drive to get back there is a security issue. It is what I know, it is where there was some modicum of familiarity. Even in its unpredictability with scheduling, it was something I knew. I thought that if I got rehired, everything would be OK. I believed that I could do nothing else…, that I wasn’t worthy of anything else.
In truth I AM WORTHY of a lot more.
There is a line in the book: “When I become afraid and try frantically to know the future, it’s usually a cover-up to mask the fact that I’ve begun dreading life and I think there’s nowhere left to go. I try to change things in the exterior world so I won’t have to feel my own heart. I try to hold onto the past so that I won’t have to go into the void. Each time I allow myself to go into that void, the future holds something I couldn’t imagine. By the time I get there, I’m different. The world is different. It’s not the world I’m in today and I am not the person I am now when I get there. I’ve changed, and the changes in me change my perspective on the entire event.”
The cat is crying at the door to the living room. I don’t usually let him in but I go and crack open the door. He hesitates; inches forward, pulls back. Despite his insistence that this is where he wants to go – he’s afraid to cross the threshold.
Hmmmm…, this seems to be where I have been with the whole career situation. I knew that I wanted something different but afraid to go for it. I was trying to get back to where I was, to where I felt secure, but that’s not where I am supposed to be. I have been too stubborn to see that. Despite all the reminders from everyone, the constant admonishments, “Bev, you NEED to take a look at this.” I resisted. Nope, I was right, I was certain that I would get that job back but now I know differently.
Mentally I am imagining the door to Lowe’s CLOSED. Beside it is another door. (We know that when God closes one door, another one opens for there are no vacuums in nature.) This other door is cracked open. Even though I can’t see inside, I KNOW that it is a better path than the one I was on.
I am choosing to take the path behind the cracked-open door. It feels wonderful!
B
This morning I picked up Melody Beattie’s book, “Finding Your Way Home – A Soul Survival Kit” There were a few chapters that have given me some insight into dealing with this ‘job thing’ that won’t seem to go away. I think I have found an answer.
Sometimes all we can see and feel is our fear. It overrides our Divine instincts when we live in the emotional, physical world of our heads. Sometimes you are the enemy, not the other way around. This fear, of whatever it is; we don’t have enough, aren’t good enough.When we live from fear-based notion instead of a faith-based life, we stop trusting Spirit, we stop trusting life, we stop trusting ourselves… we have put our ‘faith’ in fear.
We live from fear to fear. When one thing is resolved, we grab onto another fear. How will this turn out? What will happen to me? Where will I end up? These are all questions that I have obsessed with recently. I am living in fear.
Our ego needs to be in control; it is an old survival tool. Some of us are more attached to this control. I know I am. Not knowing what comes next, especially right now in my jobless situation, is particularly frightening.
Sometimes the next lesson is to learn to live from a base of faith; trust instead of fear. Easier said than done, though, right? There was a quote that helped me:
“Regardless of your state of consciousness, that which has been troubling you has already been taken care of. The situation has been healed. It has been since moment you felt the emotion of the difficulty. Now lift your consciousness and prove to yourself that the problem no longer exists in the outer world.” - Angel Energy - John Randolph Price
I have a mind that goes around in circles. It’s like a dog worrying a bone till every possible morsel has been stripped away. What I got from the chapter on spiritual guidance was: don’t try to figure it out.
Withdraw from the battle, the section says. Simply stop what you’re doing and ask for guidance. The way you’ve been heading hasn’t worked, you’ve hit a dead end with this route. “Quit pushing the river.” is a favorite expression of one of my friends.
In the chapter, “Surrendering Control,” when we say…. “I’ve got to have this event or thing happen. Maybe I can have it and something else, too, but what if it’s not in the plan for my life. What the heck am I going to do with it once I get it?” What IF I don’t know? It’s OK not to know.
What I can do is surrender control enough to ask for help in getting through the experience.
The next thing I read about was stopping the power plays. Like the character in Dr. Doolittle, the “Pushme – Pullyou” that’s what I’ve been doing all along; pushing and getting pulled. Back and forth, to and fro, up and down. Stop – just stop resisting… time to let go and surrender. Surrender the illusion of control.
There is a dance that is played with other people. Sometimes they come into our energy field and want to fight, hassle or they want to play, but not in ways that are fun. We are challenged. This is a time when we should consider changing our tactics. Fighting wastes a tremendous amount of energy, and that’s what I have been doing lately.
In the meantime I will open up to other possibilities and stay centered. I will remind myself that everything IS REALLY OK, that I am not going to fall into financial ruin this week or the next, that I have faith – not fear – that I will be led to my correct place.
I am going to go out and sit in the sun and do a visualization which, just from reading it, calmed me:
Picture a large vortex, a funnel, a tornado in front of you. Spin it clockwise; get it going as fast as you can. As it swirls, get all the negative energy of the situation spun into this funnel instead of coming at you. Then when it’s spinning at top speed, stop it. Reverse the spin to counter-clockwise. Reverse all the negativity, the control, the warring factions coming at you. Now, with a feeling of love, send it back to the other person.
Send it back in love, not revenge or resentment. This is reversing a painful situation drawing in the positive.
I hope that what I’ve written here helps you, too, with what is occurring now in your life – whatever that may be.
Hugs..,
B
Children, in their wonderful innocence, are wonderful teachers for us all. This tale of compassion truly shows the tenderness of a child.
Working as a sales associate at a large home improvement store, I had to complete daily stocking reports. As I was walking toward the customer service desk to turn them in, I noticed a woman standing in line with a cart full of plants from the garden center. There was a small boy, about 3 or 4, with his hands cupped. The woman was motioning toward me, telling the boy, “Go give it to her.”
He came up slowly with one hand outstretched. There was something on his index finger. I squatted down to get to his level and noticed that it was a small snail. I could barely understand what he said but I knew that he wanted me to take it outside.
Now, I knew that it is considered a ‘pest’. Some people would have crushed the tiny creature immediately, telling the child it was bad and that it had to die. This mother, however, not only respected her son’s compassion, but she showed it to the little snail.
He tried to get it off his finger. It amazed me that he just didn’t try to pick it up. Did he somehow know that to try to do so probably would have smashed it? It fell off his hand and landed on the cement floor. I assured him that it would be OK, that we’d get it. I carefully scooped it up on the papers. It stayed inside its shell for a few seconds, and then stuck its head out. What a tiny thing!
I stood up a bit and told him that I was going to take it outside to be with its friends in the bushes. He smiled and shook his head, eyes gleaming with happiness.
I walked outside with the papers outstretched, across the traffic lane in front of the store to a small median where some low-growing junipers were planted. Carefully I parted their branches and lowered it into the undergrowth. “Be safe, little one.” I said as I turned and went back inside.
The little boy and his mom were still near the checkout. I walked up to him and said “Thank you for saving that snail’s life. That was a very nice thing to do. He is outside in a nice home. He is safe!”
His mom was nodding her head, silently mouthing “Thank you” to me. I winked back, knowing that we had just been taught a wonderful lesson by a child. This was a tenderhearted child, loving unconditionally and unafraid of even the smallest of creatures.
As I walked away I thanked Spirit for this wonderful experience and a beautiful start to my day.
B H May 2006
Reminders of what’s actually happening in our lives can show up in different forms from many sources. While gazing at a tree recently, I received such a prompting.
There is an ancient holly tree in my front yard. As a portion of the house was built in 1790, without actually cutting the tree down, I have no idea how long it has been here. I know that because of its size it has stood sentinel for well over a hundred and fifty years. I often see it as it providing shelter for both horses and humans in the heat, stretching its long arms in a protective umbrella.
Each year at precisely this time, mid to late April, it begins a transformation. A holly is not deciduous; a tree which sheds its leaves in the fall. Like everything else in nature, though, at some point it must slough off the old and renew.
Some of the leaves turn yellow and drop off. At first I thought the tree was dying! I threw fertilizer around and prayed with arms around my aged friend as far as I could reach. Then I noticed something; the tree was starting to grow tiny clusters of flower buds! About 2 weeks later they bloomed into a fragrant symphony…, only what I can describe as the smell of an Oriental incense.
This was my reward! A delight to my nose, I’d run into the yard, filling my lungs with the smell at every chance. My spirits lifted. I eagerly awaited each return home from outings, just so I could smell the sweet perfume, which would light my entire body up. It was the scent of Spirit at work!
As I sit here now, the tree once again is getting ready to open those delicious buds. Next week should be the time; it always seems to happen the first week of May. I am reminded of my own journey, my own transformation unfolding in and around me every day. Like the tree, I will spread my arms wide and embrace the change, whatever that may be. I know I am protected and guided to my next best step.
Blessed be,
B H 4/26/08
In our human lives we have been wounded. All of us, at one time or another, have felt the sting of the arrow of rejection, humiliation, sorrow or anger. Like volcanoes it erupts to the surface, sometimes over something petty. Perhaps it is at an inappropriate time or with surprising force. It screams, “LOOK AT ME! You are not FINISHED with me!” Memories are jarred loose only to come barreling down the mountain in an avalanche which leaves us asking, “Where did this come from?”
I had an instance like this recently. A comment from a friend, which was not unkind in any way, resulted in an overreaction on my part. In weeks prior, my sensitivities had been heightened, but this seemed to be the event which pitched me off the deep end. I went into full tilt ‘feel sorry for myself’ mode. All my old programming came up; I was no good, worthless, alone, lost and scared. Because I believed this at the moment, I started to literally chuck pieces of my existing life; lighten the load, throw out all the ballast, I began dumping exterior responsibilities, abandoning interests and in general, acting irrationally.
I was, for a time, out of my mind.
I got a book yesterday. One paragraph stands out and is RIGHT ON with what happened and I began to see the healing that needed to happen.
“I began to notice with increasing frequency that soon after an emotion or memory was ready to be released, something would happen to bring it up in the present moment. For instance, if the emotion that came up was rejection from twenty years ago, something would happen that would create or cause me to feel rejected. I would feel the present-day rejection, but it would be an exaggerated response, an overreaction, to the present circumstances. If I let the emotion surface and was willing to dig deeper, the current feelings and the emotions from the past would be released and healed, too.”
Melody Beattie…..”Finding Your Way Home – A Soul Survival Kit”
A friend brought up an interesting thought. Being that I have been doing a lot of detox sessions, it only follows that the detox continues into the emotional. That may sound a bit far out to some of you. I don’t think so. Of late I have had to rearrange the way I look at and deal with things. I’ve gotten my priorities all screwed up. Part of the ‘abandon ship’ mode was to get me back on track.
During the past year I have focused totally on promoting the local food movement and the farmer’s market. I had been absorbed in it every single day, sometimes for hours on end. I was obsessed with getting everything right; getting the message out there. My chiropractor asked me the other day during my breakdown blubbering session in his office, how much of ME have I paid attention to? I have been so intent on outward expressions; the success of the local ‘veggie van’, finding a job, expressing myself ‘as’ e-mail person, web designer/maintenance, self-appointed secretary, spokesperson….. that I haven’t listened or paid attention to what the inner me needs. What do I need to get rid of, what do I need to reinforce?
Sometimes we need a crisis to push into reality. Not the reality of day-to-day life, but the reality of us…, what our soul is crying for and healing and growing that needs to take place.
B H 4/20/08
I was walking through the parking lot at a Target store. I was in a particularly serene space at the time, perhaps because the beauty of the day had seeped into my soul.
I don’t know where it came from. I don’t really know what I was thinking about at the time or what may have triggered it. Did I see a mother and child and did that turn on a flash of maternal sorrow?
My thoughts turned to motherhood. Like a wave washing over me, many feelings and emotions came up at once. I actually felt the sense of motherly love. It emanated to me and from me at the same time.
In the next instant I found myself engulfed in a vast sadness which seemed to go right through my entire body. I have never had a strong desire in this life to have children but in this space, I felt a deep grief. It was as if, from my soul layers, the passages through the centuries, this physical body somehow remembered being a mother in a time long ago and, for a few seconds, was saddened that in this life, I’d chosen childlessness.
“What kind of mother would have I been?” I thought. Would have I been a friend perhaps, or a disciplinarian? Would I have been attentive or would I have ignored?
In the period of maybe 30 seconds I envisioned all of this. I saw myself with my arms around a small child. I heard its laughter and felt its joy.
As fast as it came upon me, it vanished. Like smoke from an extinguished candle, it disappeared with the slightest movement of air. The desire to have experienced it buried itself back in its hiding place where my conscious body could not retrieve it.
I have a fountain that was given to me years ago. It hasn’t been used much but recently I cleaned it out, washed all the stones and rinsed out the bottom. After filling it with water and plugging it in, I took a long time to arrange the slate levels (sort of like steps) that the water trickles over. From the assortment of rocks I carefully placed them to maximize the flow. It was then that I noticed something that also relates to our lives here on earth.
When I moved just one stone, the flow of water changed. No matter how minuscule the difference was, the current shifted. As I continued building my waterfall, I thought how this can be applied to our energy and actions.
Our flow of energy affects not only our lives, but those around us. What we do or say or think changes things. This is true even if the person isn’t in our direct vicinity; it is possible when we think about people or ‘send’ our thoughts in prayer. Just as one small shift of a stone in the waterfall influences the direction of water, what we do has a connection to others.
Like a ripple in a pond, energy goes out, creating what we are putting into it, then returns to us. Either a kind, loving, positive thought or something filled with anger, lack or fear, it manifests because we have given it life. We have ‘moved the rock’ and ‘shifted the flow of water.’
Where are your thoughts going today? How is the water in your life flowing? Does it flow smoothly, with love, kindness, joy, abundance and gratitude? Are you restricting it or damming it up with negativity, thoughts of lack, or hurtfulness? Pay attention to these waters of life and how they flow, for one small shift can make a big difference.
Flow on, bubble along with happiness and joy in your day….
Blessings,
B H
1.1.08
Easter morning at the Farifax Hilton Garden Inn…., 3/23/08
In a chair for right-handers, light on the left, the shadow of my writing hand is casting a shadow on the paper.
Holding the book, “The Seven Whispers”, asking for guidance, thinking of the meaning of Easter, spring, rebirth. Thumbing the pages back and forth, knowing that what I find it what I will know. From back to front the pages flip. I open the book randomly to page 50 and read about the angel but something says; ‘read backwards’ and I do. Flip back to page 46 and my eyes fall on the words, “Right now in my life.” That’s all I read, then flip forward to page 49 and see, “The work does not need to be grand.” (read entire paragraph) then forward to the end of the chapter. I hear, “The work will find you.”
This quest for Lowe’s does not define WHO you are but who you think you should be. This is not you. It is a comfort zone where you, your brain thinks you should be, but DON’T think.
The work will find you – it is not ‘work’. You are doing the work of the world.
We FEED each other spiritually.
I have called it down to me and it shall be.
I have said that I didn’t want to go back to work at Lowe’s and I am not. From the fear-filled place, I think I have a right to be there – that I should, that I have a right. But no, the right is not mine – it is not right for me. My terror filled mind, the mind of lack insists and controls this drive. I listen to and believe the ‘shoulds’, the “I’m entitled to”, “There’s no reason I shouldn’t be hired”, and ‘Why not?, when it should be WHY? Why return to a place that I hated; one that controlled my life; took away my health and respect?
The reason IS…, that I’m NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
I return home and read what’s written here. Glancing to the bottom of the page is see, “Everything. Right where you need it” Another affirmation of everything IS OK.
B H 3/08
